God has been singing to me…Throughout the last week I’ve had songs that pop up in my mind, of which I now believe to have been God sending me little lifelines to hold onto and find peace from.
I’ve been facing an uncertain and unending situation since September and have often felt so tired and stressed because of it. I wanted it to be fixed right away (of course!) and while I did turn to God to ask for His help and wisdom, I admit to sometimes taking matters into my own hands, which has led to frustration when things didn’t go the way that I thought they should.
Last Friday, I thought I had finally gotten the beginning of a resolution, only to find out I’d have to wait until Monday for the next step. I tried to not think about it over the weekend, knowing it was completely useless to even think about it since nothing could be done until Monday!
While I waited on Monday for this resolution I again thought would come, I had a song playing through my mind all day…Fear is Not My Future.
I had played this song in my classroom several days this year when I felt anxious in order to remind myself that God offers me peace, love, and joy…not fear, shame, or guilt. The words that kept playing in my mind on Monday were these…
Let Him turn it in your favor
Watch Him work it for your good
‘Cause He’s not done with what He started
He’s not done until it’s good
If you’re ready for a breakthrough, yeah
Just open up and just receive, hey
‘Cause what He’s pouring out is nothing
You’ve ever seen
It was easy and exciting to believe those things at 8am Monday morning. I prayed God would turn this is my favor but as the day went on and again MY plan started to fall apart, I was confused. I told myself there was still progress and that I was going to choose to be grateful for that, rather than being disappointed…In the meantime, this meant more waiting. Of course my next appointment wouldn’t be until 2:30 Tuesday! At that point I started to wonder if God was intentionally making me wait. I felt Him nudging me and saying He couldn’t yet turn this in my favor because I had yet to turn this over to Him.
On Tuesday, I woke up and felt very at peace, despite knowing I had to wait until 2:30. The song that rang in my mind that day was a classic…I Surrender All.
I prayed that God would help me to surrender and fully trust His plan and timing, rather than continue to trust in myself and my failing plan. I prayed for a breakthrough again, but this time I situated my heart to accept God’s “no” if that was what He chose, knowing He has a reason for everything He does and a plan bigger than what I may be able to understand.
That morning while I waited I read Job 39 & 40: 1-5 and was so humbled. Passage 39 is God responding to Job, who has experienced an unbelievable amount of loss and grief. Job has come to God with questions, seeking understanding for His hurt, loss and pain…and this is God’s response…
“Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?
2 Do you count the months till they bear?
Do you know the time they give birth?
3 They crouch down and bring forth their young;
their labor pains are ended.
4 Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;
they leave and do not return.
5 “Who let the wild donkey go free?
Who untied its ropes?
6 I gave it the wasteland as its home,
the salt flats as its habitat.
7 It laughs at the commotion in the town;
it does not hear a driver’s shout.
8 It ranges the hills for its pasture
and searches for any green thing.
9 “Will the wild ox consent to serve you?
Will it stay by your manger at night?
10 Can you hold it to the furrow with a harness?
Will it till the valleys behind you?
11 Will you rely on it for its great strength?
Will you leave your heavy work to it?
12 Can you trust it to haul in your grain
and bring it to your threshing floor?
13 “The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully,
though they cannot compare
with the wings and feathers of the stork.
14 She lays her eggs on the ground
and lets them warm in the sand,
15 unmindful that a foot may crush them,
that some wild animal may trample them.
16 She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers;
she cares not that her labor was in vain,
17 for God did not endow her with wisdom
or give her a share of good sense.
18 Yet when she spreads her feathers to run,
she laughs at horse and rider.
19 “Do you give the horse its strength
or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?
20 Do you make it leap like a locust,
striking terror with its proud snorting?
21 It paws fiercely, rejoicing in its strength,
and charges into the fray.
22 It laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
it does not shy away from the sword.
23 The quiver rattles against its side,
along with the flashing spear and lance.
24 In frenzied excitement it eats up the ground;
it cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.
25 At the blast of the trumpet it snorts, ‘Aha!’
It catches the scent of battle from afar,
the shout of commanders and the battle cry.
26 “Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom
and spread its wings toward the south?
27 Does the eagle soar at your command
and build its nest on high?
28 It dwells on a cliff and stays there at night;
a rocky crag is its stronghold.
29 From there it looks for food;
its eyes detect it from afar.
30 Its young ones feast on blood,
and where the slain are, there it is.”
In Chapter 40 we see God and Job banter back and forth a little more…
The Lord said to Job:
2 “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!”
3 Then Job answered the Lord:
4 “I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
I put my hand over my mouth.
5 I spoke once, but I have no answer—
twice, but I will say no more.”
I read that and I felt like Job. Here I was asking God all these questions like I was the one in charge! I thought to myself, who am I to question God and His plans for my life? I was reminded how big God is. It surprisingly made me feel safe and helped me to surrender a little more as I recognized I’m not in control, God is!
Here is what my Bible study book said about the passage: “Just like Job, we often forget God’s supremacy and are deluded into thinking that we are the authors of our own stories…The clear takeaway of the last few chapters of Job is that we need to reimagine ourselves as character’s in God’s story, utterly dependent on and submissive to His plotline, which will definitely conclude in a way that is absolutely for our good and His glory-even if the antagonist seems to be hijacking our happy ending in the middle of the story!”
A little bit later I headed to my 2:30 appointment. For those who know me, I am typically late…but you’d be proud to know, I was an entire HOUR early!! As I waited, a friend sent me this Scripture from Isaiah 40:29-31:
29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Another song immediately came to my mind…Wait On You.
In the song (@7 minutes in-it’s very long but worth the listen lol) they sing that exact scripture my friend sent.
I looked up the rest of Isaiah 40 while waiting for my appointment and I was surprised to see that this passage had some of the same questions God asked Job…
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 “To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
The passage is meant to be a comfort and a reminder of the sovereignty of God.
Here are some of the lyrics from the song Wait on the Lord…
I’m gonna wait on You
I’m gonna wait on You
I’ve tasted Your goodness
I’ll trust in Your promise
I’m gonna wait on You
I know You ordered every step
Yeah, You are the Author
And there’s no predicting what is next
But You hold the future
And all the questions they come second
To the one I know is true, yeah
Oh, you’ve always been true
So I’m gonna wait on You, yes
I’m gonna wait on You
I’ve tasted Your goodness
I’ll trust in Your promise
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up, up on wings
Like an eagle, and they soar
They shall walk, and not get weary
They shall run, and not faint
That’s what happens when you wait
Happens when you wait
So I continued to wait…in the literal waiting room, which is funny to think of now! I was finally called back to a room and I could NOT believe my eyes when I sat down and saw this on a shelf in the room…
It’s the EXACT same verse my friend shared! I couldn’t help but just be in awe of God. I remember thanking God but telling myself that this served as a reminder to trust God, no matter the outcome. Either way, God was making it abundantly clear to me that He had a plan. I remember thinking, all these events I’ve viewed as delays and “plot twists” have been here for a reason beyond my understanding.
After the appointment, I did get some resolution in the positive direction. This situation is still going on, but I have faith that God is working while I am waiting.
On my way home, I ran out of gas on the highway!!
My Mom (God bless her!) came to save me and I remember singing and humming while I was talking on the phone awaiting her arrival. She said she was so glad that while in the middle of a crisis I was still singing…I laughed then and told her that God’s been teaching me that He uses all situations and delays, even the ones we usually complain about or are frustrated by.
I realize now how spiritually relevant that experience was…How pleasing would it be to God to see His children singing, praising, and confidently trusting in Him even in the midst of a problem.
So I woke Wednesday feeling like going straight to my laptop to continue working on this situation I have been wanting resolved and I was convicted. I was again going to take matters into my own hands. Instead of sitting down and spending time with God, I was going to head to my laptop and spend time trying to work things out on my own again!
I knew I needed to go to my Bible instead, so I headed for my table to read and sat there again having to re-surrender to God.
Surrender is not a one-time choice. It’s a minute by minute and even sometimes a second-by-second choice we have to make.
I got this new sweatshirt a few weeks ago, it says “God is Good” with happy faces in all the O’s. I’ve been wearing it as a reminder to myself that God truly is good no matter what! No matter how this situation ends, God is still good and He is still in control.
I’m going to proclaim Isaiah 40:29-31 over my life…
I’m trusting in God to give me strength to press on. I will wait on the Lord!
I’m happy to report that on Friday (a whole week later!!) my situation is RESOLVED! I am relieved and praising God to the moon and back! Not only is my situation resolved, but my faith is stronger. I think of Psalm 27 and how it perfectly encapsulates this experience I’ve gone through from start to finish, September to April…
I’m partially writing this to myself for when other trials and hard situations come so that I can look back and remember that with God by my side, I have no one and nothing to fear. I love verse 3:
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
Circumstances don’t dictate our confidence in the Lord.
While we wait, we seek God’s presence, the one thing that can truly bring us peace and comfort. He keeps us safe and in the mean time, we will sing and make music to the Lord!
Circumstances don’t dictate our joy in the Lord!
While we wait, we ask God for guidance and help. We don’t try to rashly solve matters on our own.
Circumstances don’t dictate our responses!
My favorite part is the end (verses 13 & 14) and THIS is what I will declare over my future challenges…
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Circumstances don’t change the goodness of our God!
In the Stillness 