A word that has been heavy on my heart lately is “Remember”. It keeps popping up and it’s one that I can’t seem to shake. As I read, listen to podcasts, and go about my daily tasks, this word keeps coming up.
In the Old Testament, God constantly told the Israelites to remember. To remember where they came from, how far God had brought them, and to remember the true character of God. Why? Because as humans, we have a tendency to forget. To forget how far we’ve come and how much we’ve changed from our old selves. We feel discouraged and stuck, like God isn’t present or moving in our lives…Like we’ve messed up so badly that God doesn’t want to use us anymore…That He can’t possibly still love us! I am here today to tell you that that is a lie the devil wants you to believe. This is something that we actively have to fight, and how do we do that? We do it by remembering…
The next paragraph is part of my testimony that I have written down, so that on the days I forget and start to feel discouraged, I can look back and see how God moved in my life and remember that He is good, He is faithful, and that He loves me, even when I feel like I can’t see or feel His love. Even when I feel like I am not good enough. I don’t have to be, because HE is.
“I knew that God was stirring my heart for a long time and I’ve always known I’ve had an issue with filling what my Mom called a “God-shaped void” with anything and everything except Jesus, but I finally decided to listen to God and let go of a relationship that was unhealthy and not honoring God. While I was in college, I had let go of my faith, but God still chased after me. I specifically remember one church service during worship (that I half-heartedly went to in order to make my mom happy, if I am being perfectly honest) singing the song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury and just feeling my eyes swell up with tears from these lyrics: “When I was your foe, still your love fought for me. There’s no shadow you won’t light up, mountain you won’t climb up, chasing after me. There’s no wall you won’t kick down, lie you won’t tear down coming after me. Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. Oh it chases me down, fights until I’m found, and leaves the 99.” The chorus repeats so those words can settle in and in that moment I felt God speaking right to me, amidst my refusal to accept and love Him. He still loved me and was never going to stop trying to get me to understand just how much He loves me. This still wrecks me to this day, thinking about the fact that I never felt guilt in that moment, it was purely love. Love that I did not deserve, but He still was chasing after me and fighting for my heart. At that point I knew God was trying to get my attention and after a few weeks of talking myself in and out of it, I decided to end the relationship I was pursuing. I knew in my heart that it was not the relationship He intended for me, and even though it hurt so badly and I felt lonely, I knew it was the right thing to do. I remember just praying and crying out to God in my hurt and I distinctly remember him saying, “Why am I not enough for you?”“
Those words still bring tears to my eyes today because that was an encounter that I had with God that no one can take away from me. It was such a clear and convicting moment where I know now that God was calling me out of the grave I had dug myself into. He was offering me a solution to all my hurt and asking me to try and fill that “God-shaped” void with Him, because HE was enough and what I needed. I wrote in my journal “I am hurting and broken within. I need your help God and for your love to cover me. I am trusting in your plan for my life. Even if it takes time and growth, it WILL be SO worth it.”
I am changed today because I opened my heart to hear what God was saying and to take action, even when it was hard. I did NOT want to be lonely or let go, but I knew I felt Him calling me back to Him. I am so thankful that God opened my eyes.
And so that is what I remember. I remember the CHOICE that I made to stop filling my heart with things that don’t truly satisfy. To stop looking to the world for things, experiences, and people to fill me, but instead, to look to the God who relentlessly and recklessly loves me, no matter how many times I mess up. I hold onto that story with a tight grip, because I so easily forget and fall into the devil’s trap of believing that God isn’t present or moving in my life because of something I have done to push Him away. Like He has finally realized I am not good enough. And that is just not true in the slightest, as God made it abundantly clear to me that day He sang that song over me, calling me back to Him.
I just want to encourage you today to take time to remember. When have you seen, heard, or felt God move in your life? Write those times down! They are SO important to write down, remember, and to SHARE with others. What is your testimony? How did God move and change your life?
And if you’re thinking, I don’t have a testimony or I still have yet to encounter God, I just so encourage you to take some time today to sit, be still, and pray with anticipation that God WILL move and He WILL speak. And if nothing else, at least take the time to listen to this song and let the words sink into your heart. They are so good and so true to how God feels about you. He loves you just as you are. Just know that today.
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